I have loads to say.
Until I click on 'new post' and it all disappears.
I have no idea why.
I have good days where I am so grateful, can have a laugh, feel like there's heaps to smile about.
Loving being with my little family.
Not loving playdates, social engagements, having to be somewhere, people relying on me.
My brain turns to mush when I try and think too far ahead.
Someone told me this is all normal when you're dealing with grief, or loss.
Great.
I feel for the people of Christchurch so much more now.
Its like wading through quick sand some days.
So sick of it pulling me down.
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| *insert happy photos here* |
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| *and here* |
I visited my dad's grave with my kids and mum the other day.
First time. Its been too hard until now, but it was good to go.
As some of you may know, a very close GF of mine also died about a month ago now.
Same age as me, she had a beautiful baby girl in December, got diagnosed and lost her battle with cancer a few short weeks later.
I've tried to push myself on, see the positive, be grateful for all I still have.
I know other people have way worse going on, every day.
So I choose to engage each day, or try to, at least.
It works some days, other days I ride the wave.
Now one of my bridesmaid's SIL has lung cancer. And just had a baby this week.
I feel like its all happening again. She is now going through this hell I've just been through.
No words.
What's going on God??
Enough already.
I have so many questions.
I still believe in God.
I still believe in the power of prayer.
I know these burdens are His, not mine.
I know there is no point in being angry at the unfairness of it all.
It just doesn't help somedays.
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| *and here* |
Anyway, I'll get there. Thank you God.
Can't wait for school holidays.
Woop woop.
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| *and here* |
I miss my big girl when she's at school.
